Self-defense Humor Gifts

"If you have an emergency, use this pepper spray."

Overjumpers

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Women's Martial Arts Center

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

Lots of personal improvement classes are going on down there. The white blood cells are teaching a self-defense class. The neuron is instructing others about improving communication skills. And a proton and cornea cell have teamed up to teach a class on staying focused and positive! Is the helium atom participating in any of this? No, he thinks he's above it all!

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

Martial Arts

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

KAWAII T'AI CHI

Mod Kwan Doh

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

Repulse Monkey. Difficult position, but one day it may save your life. Get it right!

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

They Are Not Going to Take Me

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

"And what if the assailant comes at you from inside your own head."

Wilbert wished he's taken those karate classes instead.

"Stop with the tennis balls! There's no oil down here... just monsters."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

Martial Arts

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

'Hello, security.'

"Isn't that adorable? He learned that in Karate class."

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

Stun-gun target practice.

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

"Anything but a head shot only angers an attorney."