Self-defense Gifts

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'I must warn you, I know tai chi. We can step outside and settle it like men, but it will have to be in slow motion.'

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

Darling, I wish you'd stop the self defense classes, now you've got Alzheimer's.

Rudolph's Krav Maga demonstration was brief, but from that day forward, none of the other reindeer laughed or called him names.

'Does this outfit make my concealed weapon look big?'

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

"Drop it. Back away."

Man fights with his shadow.

'I may be a 97 pound weakling, but nobody kicks sand in my face!'

'Sorry, Caldwell. My new cell phone has a 'stun gun' app.'

'Good - there's my purse. This is why I never keep my pistol in my purse.'

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

"I tried to warn you Carl, he's a 5th dan black belt in origami...!"

"Wow. Those self defense classes are really paying off."

Martial Arts: Beginners Welcome.

"He's not moving. I think he's dead already."

"I KNEW we shouldn't have let Health and Safety run the self defence course!"

Sign on Door at Karate School For When Door is Locked

Overjumpers

Stun-gun target practice.

Attacked GP recommends that every PCT should have a violent patient scheme.

'The bloke from downstairs has come to complain about the noise.'

Hold on

Veterans Survived

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"I think I'm getting the hang of it now!"

'I don't know if I could really do that to a man.'

Women's Martial Arts Center

'Anyone want to learn how to do a leg sweep? How about a roundhouse kick? it's ok, your parents know who I am!'

"Back off. I got house keys and I'm not afraid to use them."

"I want my gun to really scream, 'Look out-he's got a gun!'"

Old lady with a mace handbag.

"And what if the assailant comes at you from inside your own head."

They Are Not Going to Take Me