Self-defense Comedy Gifts

Ninja

Overjumpers

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Women's Martial Arts Center

'He's maturing early.'

Black Belt/Yellow Belt/Green Belt/No Belt.

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

Lots of personal improvement classes are going on down there. The white blood cells are teaching a self-defense class. The neuron is instructing others about improving communication skills. And a proton and cornea cell have teamed up to teach a class on staying focused and positive! Is the helium atom participating in any of this? No, he thinks he's above it all!

KAWAII T'AI CHI

Martial Arts

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Not only do I have a black belt in karate, I also have a husband in the hospital to prove it!'

Mod Kwan Doh

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

Repulse Monkey. Difficult position, but one day it may save your life. Get it right!

"Today you will learn the 'Paper Cut' technique."

They Are Not Going to Take Me

Wilbert wished he's taken those karate classes instead.

"Stop with the tennis balls! There's no oil down here... just monsters."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"And what if the assailant comes at you from inside your own head."

Martial Arts

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

"If you have an emergency, use this pepper spray."

"Isn't that adorable? He learned that in Karate class."

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

Stun-gun target practice.

Athlete

'I'd go small with this burglar. Way too much collateral damage with the cannon.'

"Anything but a head shot only angers an attorney."