Injury Comedy Gifts

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'He's maturing early.'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

Basketball injuries.

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

Drunks brought into A&E: Alcohol and Emergent Sick.

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'It's an old work injury.'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

Stretcher Header.

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'Occupation?'

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

Ninja

'Should we abstain from sex?'

'He should be okay, it's just a little tap on the head.'

'Chainsaw Championships.'

"Your birthday came at just the right time. I sprained my ankle this morning."

'Very funny!'

Finishing line cuts open athlete.

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

Pitchers arm falls off.

'It's his ankle - get some ice!!'

'The ligaments in both legs are torn to shreds. However, the drumsticks, thighs, wings and breasts should still be fine... either baked or fried.'

'No I won't kiss it better!'

Don't tell me, you want another sick note!

'He tried to jump over the net.'

'OK, Mrs. Huber. Why don't you step over here and start trying on some of these, and we'll make your case iron-clad.'

'So in hindsight, maybe not the best idea...'

"What happened?" "I kept my eye on the ball."