Injury Survivor Humor Gifts

"I've only just heard about your accident. Why didn't you write?"

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

Basketball injuries.

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'It's an old work injury.'

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'Occupation?'

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

'Should we abstain from sex?'

'He should be okay, it's just a little tap on the head.'

'Chainsaw Championships.'

Finishing line cuts open athlete.

'Very funny!'

"Your birthday came at just the right time. I sprained my ankle this morning."

Please Don't Ask...

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

Pitchers arm falls off.

'It's his ankle - get some ice!!'

'The ligaments in both legs are torn to shreds. However, the drumsticks, thighs, wings and breasts should still be fine... either baked or fried.'

'You call that teaching?'

'He tried to jump over the net.'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

'No I won't kiss it better!'

'So in hindsight, maybe not the best idea...'

"What happened?" "I kept my eye on the ball."

"I warned him that I was a green belt in karate, then he warned me that he was a black belt!"

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

Quit saying 'entre nous'.

'It's an old high school football injury.'