Injury Survivor Humor Gifts

"I've only just heard about your accident. Why didn't you write?"

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

Basketball injuries.

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'It's an old work injury.'

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

'Occupation?'

'Should we abstain from sex?'

'Chainsaw Championships.'

'He should be okay, it's just a little tap on the head.'

Please Don't Ask...

Finishing line cuts open athlete.

'Very funny!'

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

'The ligaments in both legs are torn to shreds. However, the drumsticks, thighs, wings and breasts should still be fine... either baked or fried.'

'It's his ankle - get some ice!!'

Pitchers arm falls off.

'You call that teaching?'

'He tried to jump over the net.'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

'No I won't kiss it better!'

'So in hindsight, maybe not the best idea...'

"What happened?" "I kept my eye on the ball."

'It's an old high school football injury.'

Cricketers

"I warned him that I was a green belt in karate, then he warned me that he was a black belt!"

Quit saying 'entre nous'.