Injury Survivor Humorist Gifts

"You okay, Steve? Your eyes are a little glassy."

'On the bright side, he finally has time to watch a little Football.'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

Basketball injuries.

Great Moments in Art History: 1898 Francis Barraud finds inspiration after having his dog spayed.

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

A Not So Grand Slam.

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

Cotton candy

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

'It's an old work injury.'

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

'As a kid, whenever I was at a petting zoo, I got bit, butted and stomped on.'

'Occupation?'

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

'He should be okay, it's just a little tap on the head.'

'Chainsaw Championships.'

"Well done!"

"Of all the vehicles in heaven and you had to rear-end his car?"

'Very funny!'

Please Don't Ask...

'What'

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

WD40

Pitchers arm falls off.

'It's his ankle - get some ice!!'

'He tried to jump over the net.'

Mobile library.

Don't tell me, you want another sick note!

'-and the look on his face when you overtook him in the Car Wash!'

'No I won't kiss it better!'

'Okay, this time I've added - "How do you rate this message?" with one to five stars.'