Injury-prone Humor Gifts

'Occupation?'

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

"274 meters of bandage - It looks as though you're going to make the Guiness Book of Records, Mr Henderson!"

'This is your lucky day!'

Basketball injuries.

'Tape it up real tight, Floyd ... and the other ankle too.'

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

'It's an old work injury.'

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

'Should we abstain from sex?'

'He should be okay, it's just a little tap on the head.'

'Chainsaw Championships.'

'Very funny!'

Finishing line cuts open athlete.

"Your birthday came at just the right time. I sprained my ankle this morning."

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

'The hook was too dangerous.'

'The ligaments in both legs are torn to shreds. However, the drumsticks, thighs, wings and breasts should still be fine... either baked or fried.'

'It's his ankle - get some ice!!'

Pitchers arm falls off.

'No I won't kiss it better!'

'He tried to jump over the net.'

Warning! Don't leave your crocodile unanttended at any time!

'It's bad enough that you dropped your end of the stretcher, but did you have to yell 'BOMBS AWAY'?'

'Sylvia? It's Allen. Listen, I accidentally left the shop with a knee ligament kit...Yeah, yeah, I know. I am an idiot. Anyway, could you send someone out pronto with the kit for rotator cuffs?'

'So in hindsight, maybe not the best idea...'

Doctor talks to face that is halfway down man's body: 'I'm afraid the face transplant has not quite taken.'

Road Rage in the Afterlife