Injury-prone Comedians Gifts

'What the... Now Taylor's gone down with a career-ending injury. It's like we're cursed or something.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Footballer with a broken leg and a ball in his cast.

'This is your lucky day!'

Basketball injuries.

'Said he was fixing the ceiling fan. . .'

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

Drunks brought into A&E: Alcohol and Emergent Sick.

'It's an old work injury.'

Career Threatening Sport Injuries,

"He's brutal but considerate - that's his victims' support number, NHS direct."

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

'I tried to slam a revolving door.'

'Occupation?'

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

Spawn of Satan on board.

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

'He should be okay, it's just a little tap on the head.'

'Chainsaw Championships.'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5K' training app for a '5K to couch' one!"

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

"Your birthday came at just the right time. I sprained my ankle this morning."

"What are you lookin' at? Never seen a routine fire drill before?"

'Very funny!'

'I'm on the back stretch, about halfway down...I think it's a pulled hamstring.'

'The hook was too dangerous.'

'It's his ankle - get some ice!!'

Pitchers arm falls off.

Don't tell me, you want another sick note!

'He tried to jump over the net.'

Tombstones have names of vegetables on them.

"Then it struck me - nobody originally on the Paleo Diet lived past 35."

'No I won't kiss it better!'

Road Rage in the Afterlife