Comedy Gun Shooter Gifts

Shooting Leaves

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

Artists of the wild west.

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

The Mafia Goes Green.

'I don't think the killer would in the garden...that'd be waaaay too obvious.'

Out of Court Settlement

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

'Hello, Mum!'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

I thought you might want to color it in. Color chalk. 1 1 1 2 1 1 4 4 5 5

'Well, yes, I guess so; the Warmington AR-20 could drop a man at 500 metres.'

"Say your prayers, liturgies, Tefilah, Daily Salat, Sacred Mantra, Ritual Incantation or the secular affirmation of your choice, Varmint!”

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

"Over here, doofus."

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

Uses of a Dead Car in History: '...and probably with a reasonably blunt instrument.'

Ninja

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

Cuffwear, 2004

'Relax - we'll blame it on Curiosity.'

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"Okay wait, it just came in. I guess he did text for help."

'I know the difference between right and wrong... but not the on/off position of the safety on my gun.'

Big car with machine gun poking through window, bumper sticker reads: Yardie on board.

Dental records help ID the body. That's how they know who to bill.

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

"We still don't have children. He's been shooting blanks."