Gunfight Humorist Gifts

"Say your prayers, liturgies, Tefilah, Daily Salat, Sacred Mantra, Ritual Incantation or the secular affirmation of your choice, Varmint!”

'Ben just fired my ten guage goose gun. He should be coming back this way any minute now.'

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"Three more classes and I get my belt."

General's Coin Toss

Out of Court Settlement

Golf war: 'Fore!'

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

"Sire, the barbarian's are no longer at the gate...they're inside it!"

'What'll it be . . . too large or too small?'

'Well, yes, I guess so; the Warmington AR-20 could drop a man at 500 metres.'

'Want to have a snow ball battle?'

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

'Can we have our ball back, please?'

Big car with machine gun poking through window, bumper sticker reads: Yardie on board.

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

Welcome to Family Day Open House 1st Armoured Division: 'Careful you don't break anything.'

Hit Or Missler Gun

'I know the difference between right and wrong... but not the on/off position of the safety on my gun.'

"We still don't have children. He's been shooting blanks."

'Don't think of my client as a sex offender, Your Honor - think of him as having special needs.'

"I tried to warn you Carl, he's a 5th dan black belt in origami...!"

"I don't mind being fat. Harder to kidnap."

'Soldier, shinny up this tree and see if you can locate our bivouac area.'

'Don't worry, he never misses ... except when he's been drinking, like tonight.'

"How long has it BEEN upside down?"

'This one is for blaming any tactical mistakes on 'the fog of war'.'

"You got it - one 'Fuzzy Navel' coming right up."

Shooting Leaves

"Go to bed!""No!"

Soldier

Please adjust your dress before you go out shooting.

Santa Claus meets a bull.

Selling Arms and Leg

Fate Meets Fatima in Fallujah