Self-defense Enthusiast Gifts

Darling, I wish you'd stop the self defense classes, now you've got Alzheimer's.

"Drop it. Back away."

"This guy's good!"

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

"Yes, I did warn him that I was a black belt, but then he called eight of his mates over."

Attacked GP recommends that every PCT should have a violent patient scheme.

"Pepper spray, pepper spray... Can you hold on one minute? I know it's in here SOMEWHERE."

Martial Arts

"If it's any consolation, mine is considered the best head-lock in my self-defense class."

Martial Arts

"Sure my bark is worse than my bite, but wait till you hear my shotgun."

Woman aims pepper spray at man who tries to kiss her using mistletoe.

"Can I show you what I learned in self-defence school?"

"Hang on a minute: Why is he wearing a black belt?"

Muggers.

'Mr Sumo's kindly come along to show us what to do if we're ever bullied!'

'I knew something like this would happen! I told him not to get me a bra gun!'

'The first move you must learn, is how to open your wallet and pay for your lessons.'

Wilbert wished he's taken those karate classes instead.

"So it's kick-boxing now, is it, Debbie?"

mace

Lady to beat up husband: 'Wasn't that nice that my self-defense class signed your cast?'

'I always carry a little mace in my purse, for protection.'

'You should never have convinced her to take karate lessons in the first place, mate.'

Pocket protector of the future.

"I absolutely love the Christmas present you gave me. Thank you for the taser, dear!"

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

Old lady with a mace handbag.

County Court. I don't care how many self-defense classes you've taken. Acting as your own lawyer is still a bad idea.

SMILE HARD

Overjumpers

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"What colour do you have to get before the big kids leave you alone?"

Women's Martial Arts Center

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."