Defense Humorist Gifts

'Don't think of my client as a sex offender, Your Honor - think of him as having special needs.'

Cat in a tank...

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'At ease, soldier.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Loopholes

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Justice

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

Fairtale prosecutions.

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

"Did you call for a Medic?"