Defense Humorist Pillows

'Don't think of my client as a sex offender, Your Honor - think of him as having special needs.'

Cat in a tank...

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."

'At ease, soldier.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

After defeating terror, George and his friends declare war on mild irritation and clouds.

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Royal Bear Force - "Honey at 10 o'clock."

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Loopholes

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

"What? You like political cartoons??! You won't get a visa!"

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

"Did you call for a Medic?"

Justice

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Fairtale prosecutions.