Communication Humorist Pillows

'I said... SPEAK UP!'

'Another failure to communicate?'

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

'The echo is busy at the moment. After the bleep, please leave a message.'

"Perhaps the Nervii are up in arms. Maybe our envoys to Britain have been ambushed. HOw am I suppose to run an empire without a cordless phone?"

'Watch your language, I'm not a recording!'

"You won't believe this: he told me that I never listen."

"Shush, Mister Cheapie Pants, I'm getting a text."

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

"This the last time I reply all."

Antler Buzzers.

"I meant the dog!"

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

"He took that kinda hard."

'Can you do anything else?'

"For the last time, 'port' is left, 'starboard' is right!"

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

"Are you talking to me?"

'. . . however, in the brand-new global ball-game of macro-economics we blah blah blather blah. . .'

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

When you said it was a place with women and a bar I didn't think you meant a ballet class.

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

"Aunt Mary, I think you may not have heard me right. I requested a bundt cake."

Modern animal communication

'I understand the plight of average crustaceans... Because I'm just an average crustacean myself.'