Communication Comedians Pillows

Modern animal communication

Text in a bottle

'My grandma sent her first text to me. She used only vowels.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"Are you talking to me?"

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"Yes, I'm alone."

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

Antler Buzzers.

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"You're probably wondering why I called you. It's because I accidentally butt dialed you."

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

"Your marriage would greatly improve if you were both more open with your emojis."

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

"I never want to speak to you again, but I'm find with sex and other non-verbal activities."

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

'Another failure to communicate?'

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

"Can you hear me now?"

'Quality time, Gloria?'

'We get along so much better after I disabled the 'Comments' function of our relationship!'

'Can I call you back? I'm going into a tunnel.'

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

"I'm not listening to any radio program. I'm listening to my wife!"

"Maybe my argument will make more sense if I run it through some of these sick effects pedals."

'It helps him realize I'm being serious.'

'What is tact?' 'The unsaid part of what you think.'

"You' re not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?"