Communication Comedist Pillows

"Yes, I'm alone."

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

Antler Buzzers.

"So I'm like, doesn't anyone speak proper English any more?"

"I have always depended on the content of strangers."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"You're probably wondering why I called you. It's because I accidentally butt dialed you."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"Grandpa can't hear you. Turn on your caps lock."

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"All I said is I'd like a little more attention. I don't need the shenanigans."

"I never want to speak to you again, but I'm find with sex and other non-verbal activities."

"Are you talking to me?"

"Your marriage would greatly improve if you were both more open with your emojis."

Our Universe: Matter (.0001%), Dark Matter (40%), Spam (60%)

Modern animal communication

'Another failure to communicate?'

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

'Quality time, Gloria?'

'We get along so much better after I disabled the 'Comments' function of our relationship!'

Text in a bottle

'Can I call you back? I'm going into a tunnel.'

"I'm not listening to any radio program. I'm listening to my wife!"

"Maybe my argument will make more sense if I run it through some of these sick effects pedals."

"Hon, what's an allegory?"

'It helps him realize I'm being serious.'

Too-Humble Pie.

"You' re not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?"

'What is tact?' 'The unsaid part of what you think.'