Vintage Humorists Gifts

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'There's a great demand for these depression era cliches. You ought to be able to get a few hundred dollars. Thanks for wearing them in.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

The Enemy

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

"My, it feels good to sit down."

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

A man selling a horse to an older lady

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'