Vintage Humorists T-Shirts

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'There's a great demand for these depression era cliches. You ought to be able to get a few hundred dollars. Thanks for wearing them in.'

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

"Yours is adjustable?"

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

Peter Cook

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

"My, it feels good to sit down."

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

The Enemy

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

W.C. Fields

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'