Vintage Comedy Buffs Gifts

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

The Enemy

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

1874: Custer's Last Stand-Up

"Hatless" Bill Johnson

"Ordered fifty-eight days ago and it's here already!"

'Morcambe and Wise.'

"I suggest you get off your tuffet more, and eat less curds and whey, Miss Muffet."

Two Soldiers and a Navvy.