Vintage Comedy Buffs Gifts

Marty Feldman

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

Peter Cook

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

The Enemy

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

W.C. Fields

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

"Hatless" Bill Johnson

1874: Custer's Last Stand-Up

W.C.Fields

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

"Ordered fifty-eight days ago and it's here already!"

'Morcambe and Wise.'

'Shall we join the ladies?'