Vintage Comedy Fans Gifts

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

What's a polite and subtle way to let someone know his breath reeks? You could try the old "take out a piece of gum for yourself, and offer them one too." I invented that one back in nineteen and twenty-nine, when I offered a stick to old Jebediah Stinkman. Let me rephrase: What's a less subtle way to tell someone his breath reeks? You could try leaving a note.

'Have you seen two men, messy looking, no shirts? They just escaped from the dungeon.'

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

Peter Cook

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

The Enemy

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

W.C. Fields

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"Hatless" Bill Johnson

Its a poor heart that never rejoices

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

"My great-uncle Lupe owned a barber shop! He made a lot of money!"

1874: Custer's Last Stand-Up

Old Martin Chuzzlewit Suspects the Landlady without Reason

W.C.Fields

"Ordered fifty-eight days ago and it's here already!"

1839: Rare photograph of wagons on the 'Organ Trail.'