Vintage Comedy Lover Gifts

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Groucho Marx

"Congratulations, you've passed."

"Of course I look revolting, but I've got a pre-Thatcher sperm count."

'Today's speech is available on cassette, and I just know you'll all want to buy one!'

'You ate the centerpiece,clodpate.'

'You're an arms salesman?'

'That will be all Perkins - you can put her down now. . .'

W.C.Fields

"Say, Pop, do you realize the average child spends approximately fifteen dollars a year on candy?"

The Reserve Forces.

Study of an elderly female hailing the last omblebus.

Fat man asking for something that would carry him and stable keeper suggesting an omnibus

Cowboys and Vacuums

I'll trade you my phone for a latte. Pardon? You'll love it. It's vintage. A collector's item. It's from 1998. I bought it from a really old man in a magic shop last year. No deal. Come on! It's not like the shop vanished as soon as I left it. And it's not like I keep getting mysterious late-night calls on it from people in 1998 who keep telling me jokes I've already heard a million times. And it's not like the magic shop man told me I can only get rid of the phone by selling it or trading it. R

"Stop snickering at my retro iconography."

"Not that it really matters, but how will this play out among the serfs?"

"Tell me, what did you do in real life?"

"They certainly wouldn't fool me."

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

Primitive magician

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

"I'd like you to see an Anthropologist.''

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

'Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humour? Just look at that card Hans Greber and we have haven't been shot at all day.'

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

Peter Cook

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."