Vintage Comedy Fan Gifts

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

'The problem is he's 98.6...It's his age.'

"Instant? In my day they used to make it from scratch."

"I said, can I borrow one of your pistols?"

LOST & FOUND, 'Where did you last see your club?'

"She's been round the block a few times, I tell you!!"

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'You won't see me on one of those hybrid models.'

'Psst, Margie -- Your slip is showing!'

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Man states that he has a sweepstake at his club but his wife thinks he means someone who is a sweep

Lady escorted home by police

Trump - The curly years

"He'll never share the road with a bicycle."

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

The Enemy

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'