Vintage Humor Fans Gifts

'Actually, my Dad never learned to talk - My Mom's a ventriloquist.'

No, I've never sued anyone for libel or slander. In my day, we did it the old-fashioned way. How's that? The year was 1950. Ethel Koch accused me of rummaging through her purse. I ruined my reputation, and I as banned from the ladies club. I responded as any lady would do at the time. I told McCarthy she was a Commie and he hounded her for five years. Had you gone through her purse? That's beside the point.

Girl runnininto penniless young man because she has a round hat over her eyes

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

Cut out and keep your own Butler.

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

Peter Cook

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

A man selling a horse to an older lady

W.C. Fields

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

The Enemy

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'