Vintage Humor Lovers Gifts

Advantages of the new postal arrangements.

"When I said, 'Never bring a knife to a gunfight,' I figured the spoon and fork were also implied."

'The Internet Bride of Franksenstein.'

The secret to Rip Van Winkle's lengthy slumber.

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

Peter Cook

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

A man selling a horse to an older lady

W.C. Fields

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

The Enemy

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."