Vintage Comedy Gifts

Silhouttes

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

Peter Cook

"It's overdosed on Parakeetamol."

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

The Enemy

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

W.C. Fields

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

Gunswinger

1874: Custer's Last Stand-Up