Retro Humorists Gifts

"Remember the good old days when they ran away from home?"

I don't know what your invention's called, but it's really irritating.

'Hey, you're the one who said he was too old to order off the kids' menu.'

WW2 fighter pilot with emoji kills

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"Yours is adjustable?"

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

Trump to Build Wall

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

W.C. Fields

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

"My, it feels good to sit down."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

Gunswinger

We are downsizing due to the merger of our hunting and gathering divisions.

'I don't think Charlie will ever get used to these auto-mobiles.'

"Hatless" Bill Johnson

'See? I've got a rock AND a stick! -- I've invented MULTITASKING!'

"You remind me of myself - you know - a while ago."

"Roots, figs, water, mammoth meat, and... um... Ugh! Me never remember shopping list!"

"Hurry up with that cork!"

Early American Think Tank.