Retro Humor Gifts

Citizens Advice: "*!*X!! OFF!"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

WW2 fighter pilot with emoji kills

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

"Yours is adjustable?"

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

W.C. Fields

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

Trump to Build Wall

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

"My, it feels good to sit down."

'See? I've got a rock AND a stick! -- I've invented MULTITASKING!'

We are downsizing due to the merger of our hunting and gathering divisions.

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

'I don't think Charlie will ever get used to these auto-mobiles.'

"Hatless" Bill Johnson

"You remind me of myself - you know - a while ago."

"Roots, figs, water, mammoth meat, and... um... Ugh! Me never remember shopping list!"

"Hurry up with that cork!"

"It's a cereal box. It's not supposed to be interactive!"

How We Know You're Getting Old

"Cap'n crunches"

This problem began in the 1950's...

The Moe Howard Installation

"Don't you ever miss the hustle and bustle of the old tar pits?"

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

"When was this license issued?"