Travel Skeptics Gifts

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

What Europeans really think: 'Why waste fuel on transatlantic flights? Drill a hole to Jersey city.'

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

Excess Baggage: Forcing your homebody spouse to accompany you on a business trip is generally not a great idea.

'Memo: Cancel flight.'

"Awesome, yes - but what's the point? I mean, aside from the travel reward points."

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."

SS Norovirus of the Seas.

Stanley Middleton

"Welcome to the new Drone 747, remotely controlled from a rented office in Calcutta."

"Right, now have got everything - passports, airline tickets, parachutes..."

'Nice invention, but what about jet lag?'

'I'm sorry you find the insurance too expensive,madam,but I doubt they have lifebelts your size!'

"I hate the beach. The minute you go into the water your phone gets ruined."

'About time... my parents are keeping me here against my will.'

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

Poverty in Tourist Attractions

Prison on an airplane

'I can't wait to get this holiday of a lifetime over so I can get back to my banal existence.'

'I told you these Time Share properties were a rip off!'

Remote Control Filth

'What's all that about, is there a match in France?'

Terror Plots We Could Really Use

"Relax. I understand the airline has established several new safety procedures!"