Traveling Skeptic Gifts

Remote Control Filth

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Remember, it's the journey not the destination."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

Library. Story Hour. This fact-checking site says no cow has ever jumped over the moon.

Are we evolved yet? Are we evolved yet? Are we evolved yet?

"No religious nuts!"

Stonehenge Books

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

Triple espresso. Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine. I am not your Uncle Mort, I am someone else altogether. Oh yeah? Who are you? I am … Drinkum … Coffeeman … Worthington-Smythe … of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes. You may have heard of us ... we're a family of um ... Troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix. So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that? Google is an abomination!!! One ge

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

"Awesome, yes - but what's the point? I mean, aside from the travel reward points."

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"They say there's no cannibalism on the island, but they're willing to give it a try."

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

Stanley Middleton

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

"Welcome to the new Drone 747, remotely controlled from a rented office in Calcutta."

"My religion makes sense if you want it to."

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

"Nothing beats going abroad to discover new types of cheese: you have to try Camel Cheese!"

"First, I'll need to see an audited statement of revenue and expenses."

'It's completely gutless. With all the money you save on speeding tickets it'll practically pay for itself.'

Carl's Glass- Bottom Bus Tours

"Right, now have got everything - passports, airline tickets, parachutes..."

Gurus wise words on lost socks

'I was skeptical at first, but it really works.'

"That's it, Lucille! No more mystery destination tours!"

'Before I escort you to your hotel, would you like to see Brest?'

'About time... my parents are keeping me here against my will.'

"I hate the beach. The minute you go into the water your phone gets ruined."