Travel Skeptic Gifts

"Look, a local! This so romantic and authentic!"

"Relax. I understand the airline has established several new safety procedures!"

"The Lowells sent us a postcard from the South of France - as if we'd give a damn."

Forget Jamal Khashoggi. Visit Saudi Arabia's New No-Kill Consulates!

Terror Plots We Could Really Use

'Why not just admit that you don't want to holiday abroad.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Doubledecker bus stop

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

A man takes a selfie with an Egyptian mummy

Are we evolved yet? Are we evolved yet? Are we evolved yet?

"I've just about had it with these corporate retreats."

Stonehenge Books

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

Left and Right: Please be consistent.

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

'Lost your luggage again, Mr. Rizzi? Wow, that enables you to join our 'Frequent Lost Luggage Club'!'

What Europeans really think: 'Why waste fuel on transatlantic flights? Drill a hole to Jersey city.'

"Lest we forget, dear Tenzing, it's about the journey and not the destination."

'Memo: Cancel flight.'

"Do you have a seat in business with a view of economy?"

"Awesome, yes - but what's the point? I mean, aside from the travel reward points."

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"They say there's no cannibalism on the island, but they're willing to give it a try."

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

Trainspotters.

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

SS Norovirus of the Seas.

'Benny wanted a closed casket service...but, since you traveled so far to be here...I can give you a quick peek for ten dollars.'

"Nothing beats going abroad to discover new types of cheese: you have to try Camel Cheese!"

"Welcome to the new Drone 747, remotely controlled from a rented office in Calcutta."

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."