Air Travel Skeptic Gifts

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

What Europeans really think: 'Why waste fuel on transatlantic flights? Drill a hole to Jersey city.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Vampire on a plane

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

Flight Crew Lockdown Check List

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

"This is your captain speaking."

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

"That's why you're so familiar, we flew together yesterday!"

"I can't believe they put us in dog class!"

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

A signaller directing pallbearers

Nothing to Lose But Our Knees

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Asian Adventure Vacations

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

How about you? Traveling for work or pleasure?

"So how are things back in economy?"