Air Travel Satirist Gifts

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

Vampire on a plane

"It's my helper trout!"

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Cow Pilot.

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

A signaller directing pallbearers

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'Welcome to 'Business class'...'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

Baggage Reclaim

"Well, they did say half-board."