Airline Satirist Gifts

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, that's too big, we'll have to check it."

Airlines Charge For...Aisle seats, Exit seats, carry-on luggage...

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"It's my helper trout!"

Vampire on a plane

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'Welcome to 'Business class'...'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

Baggage Reclaim