Airplane Humorist Gifts

"Could you dig your knees into the back of my seat a little higher and to the left."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

'Could you pass this along to 16 E? The cabin crew's been sacked.'

Obliging as always, Elliot agrees to take a flying leap.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"It's my helper trout!"

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

'Stealth broom.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

Two birds refuel.

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Baggage Reclaim

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.