Air Travel Humorist Gifts

'You've got to admire their candor.'

'What's the best way to get to the nearest Post Office?' 'By Easyjet.'

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000. Go ahead and take your seat!'

Up Date

Vampire on a plane

Smokers smoking outside of a plane.

Men wearing loud shirts are the first loaded onto airplane.

"No whining or complaining. If you get a seat, pretend you just won the lottery. Smile, and do what they tell you. And most importantly, give them chocolate."

"When I said 'Be seated' I meant in your seat"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. 'did you want anything to drink?'"

Airport Security.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Flight simulator'

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

"It's my helper trout!"

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'