Air Travel Humor Gifts

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

Vampire on a plane

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

Cow Pilot.

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

A signaller directing pallbearers

'Stealth broom.'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

Two birds refuel.

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

Baggage Reclaim

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

'I can't talk... I'm in the quiet carriage.' - '3...2...1...' - 'What? I can't hear you... you're breaking up...' - 'Brace! Brace!' - 'I said 'I'm in the quiet carriage'!!!' - 'Irony crash.'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

Grim reaper struggles to get his scythe in the overhead locker of an aeroplane.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

What really killed the dinsaurs.

'You've got to admire their candor.'

'...Every time he goes on the track we have to notify air traffic control.'

"No one wants a drink, no one wants a snack...I don't know who I am anymore."

'Hmm, your luggage seems to have been booked through to India.'

The Rev. Wright Brothers

Security Guards Escort Cupid Away

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000. Go ahead and take your seat!'

Revealing Airport Security

'What's the best way to get to the nearest Post Office?' 'By Easyjet.'

Lost plane keys.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. 'did you want anything to drink?'"