Aviation Humor Gifts

On second thought, let's de-ice the wings.

Lost plane keys.

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

Vampire on a plane

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Stealth broom.'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

Two birds refuel.

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Baggage Reclaim

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

The FS-2004 has a great new add-on!

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'