Aviator Humor Gifts

"It means I don’t give a flying fuck."

'Flight simulator'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

'Stealth broom.'

'There can be such a thing as too much parental involvement.'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

Two birds refuel.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

I brake for Jetliners.

Baggage Reclaim

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

What really killed the dinsaurs.

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

The FS-2004 has a great new add-on!

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'