Aviation Humorist Gifts

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Flight Simulator / Crash Simulator

'You imbecile!! Didn't i tell you to watch our altitude?! / A co-pilot accidentally flies too high ending up in heaven and smacking into an angel

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

Captain Pointy No.13 - Flying instructor needs to go to toilet

High Load

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'Sorry, this is a cashless raft.'

The real reason why windows on airplanes don't roll down.

"Having gained your pilots licence, I didn't think joined up writing would be a problem."

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

"Our flight's been diverted to Frankfurt - but remember, it is better to travel than to arrive."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'Would you mind switching seats with me... I'm actually terrible at parallel parking.'

'Bandits at... AW NO! Digital watch!'

Bird Undertakers.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

'And I say he's our top designer!'

"I can't get him to come down!"

"We better hope those damned air traffic controllers aren't on strike again!"

"I didn't put my tray table up. How about you?"

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

The Tin Man sets off the metal detector at the airport.

'Will you be requiring a pilot?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"Thar she be!"

"I told you not to fly so low over Calais!"

I'm sorry, sir, the body scanner doesn't work at the moment. Would you please undress and lie down here?'

Ping Pong Airport

"Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a slight delay before departure while we determine which button does exactly what."

"I think this whole 'allowing dogs on airplanes' situation is getting a little out of control!"

Naked man at airport security - 'He's a keen supporter of airport security checks.'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"