Aviation Satirist Gifts

'You think you're upset? Because of my size they insisted I buy a pair of tickets and then sold me two that aren't together!'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'Flight simulator'

"It's my helper trout!"

Vampire on a plane

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Stealth broom.'

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

Two birds refuel.

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

'Wait, what's that on runway one?...Ok I got it, just another one of those budget carriers.'

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"