Air Travel Satirist Pillows

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

"It's my helper trout!"

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

Vampire on a plane

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

Cow Pilot.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Welcome to 'Business class'...'

A signaller directing pallbearers

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."