Air Travel Comedian Pillows

A signaller directing pallbearers

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'Flight simulator'

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"It's my helper trout!"

Vampire on a plane

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Cow Pilot.

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

"The next time you have an 'emergency', have it on the roof like every other self-respecting bird!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'