Airplane Comedians Pillows

"Sir, you've been downgraded to the baggage compartment."

'Flight simulator'

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

Vampire on a plane

"It's my helper trout!"

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

A signaller directing pallbearers

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

'Stealth broom.'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

I brake for Jetliners.

'How the heck are we supposed to land on a runway that's upside down?'

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'