Aero Comedian Pillows

Penguins going for flying lessons

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

"It's my helper trout!"

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Cow Pilot.

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Five bucks he opens it."

A signaller directing pallbearers

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

"The Webb telescope can look FAR back in time to before things were a bit s**t!"

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.