Aero Comedian Gifts

Penguins going for flying lessons

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"It's my helper trout!"

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Cow Pilot.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

"The Webb telescope can look FAR back in time to before things were a bit s**t!"

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

A signaller directing pallbearers

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Five bucks he opens it."

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

Baggage Reclaim

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.