Aero Humorist Gifts

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

Vampire on a plane

"It's my helper trout!"

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Cow Pilot.

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

I'm not saying he's dumb, but talking to him is like talking to a firewall.

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

Two birds refuel.

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Baggage Reclaim

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!