Airport Humorist Gifts

Airport Security

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

"And keep your eyes peeled for tobacco smugglers."

'If she bites, you've got 18 seconds to suck the poison out,'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

You know it's going to be a long day at the airport when you get behind a lineup of nuts all wanting to test the new TSA 'small knives allowed' policy...

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Baggage Reclaim

Flight Departures

'Okay, happy now?'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

Excess Baggage: You are old enough to remember when folks got all dressed up to travel.

When air travellers do stand up.

The white courtesy phone

Don't Touch My Junk.

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"

DON'T TOUCH MY JUNK!

"What time does this flight board again?"

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

Carefree luggage.

'Flight simulator'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

Vampire on a plane

"It's my helper trout!"

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

Cow Pilot.

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.