Airport Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'Attention passengers. Flight 322 is on time, but we'll make up for that with security and boarding delays...'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Vampire on a plane

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

'Yep, another set of incisors that are too sharp for security regulations. You'll need to wear a muzzle during the flight, ma'am.'

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

'Stealth broom.'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

The Problem with the TSA

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

Two birds refuel.

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

Baggage Reclaim

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

What really killed the dinsaurs.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

'You've got to admire their candor.'

Uh Oh...

Revealing Airport Security

Carr. Smith. Pepper Oni. Gate.

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"