Airport Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'Attention passengers. Flight 322 is on time, but we'll make up for that with security and boarding delays...'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Vampire on a plane

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Stealth broom.'

The Problem with the TSA

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

Two birds refuel.

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Baggage Reclaim

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

What really killed the dinsaurs.

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

'You've got to admire their candor.'

Uh Oh...

Revealing Airport Security

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000. Go ahead and take your seat!'

Airport Pickups: Mr. Baines, Vinny and Daisy.

'Hmm, your luggage seems to have been booked through to India.'