Airport Humorists Gifts

Baggage Claim. Miller. Lee. Anyone who knows how to hot wire a car.

"The shoes."

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

"It's my helper trout!"

Vampire on a plane

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

Cow Pilot.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

The Problem with the TSA

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Baggage Reclaim

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!