Airport Humorists Gifts

"The shoes."

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

"It's my helper trout!"

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

Cow Pilot.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

The Problem with the TSA

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Baggage Reclaim

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.